Thread:HAWAIIANpikachu/@comment-33161724-20161023014712

This is an apology for last night.

I realize that I overreacted over not being able to use the T word, and I'm sorry.

But at the same times, I feel like what I did was reasonable.

This actually stems back a while back, when Redja would hate me for becoming triggered. You know him, he'd always try and backlash me.

Then it got worse. This, believe it or not, started with Eddie, before we were-you know. He actually left chat when I became triggered, and since no one else was there, I was stuck there for a while.

I felt...

I don't know. Underappreciated? Disliked because of the one thing that initially made me unique? I don't know.

I just felt like no one cared anymore, and I felt bad in general. Not because what I was doing was wrong, because people were ignoring it or regarding it as bad behavior. I got into a long, psychological talk with him when he returned, shit about being "ignored" and being "thanked" when you should be praised or even rewarded. I don't know how to explain it.

Then people threatened to fucking ban me from chat because of it. I couldn't help it if I wanted to use a unique format. PEOPLE STOLE IT FROM ME. I bet you all of my Monokuma coins no one used that phrase before I fucking came here. Then everyone used it when I used the term regularly. At first, I liked it because I had SOME impact on the community, but then people started to forget it was MY thing. I don't fucking know.

Chances are I wouldn't have reacted like this like I did tonight or last night, depending, but I was in a bad mood as it was. Rocket was dissing me for acting up again, being a different person, and some tensions at home made me escape to here. I thought people fucking accepted me here. Not here, in ToS. No wait. In here too. I'm sorry that I used this place like a safe haven.

I thought people liked it when I acted, but apparently I was fucking lied to. You banned me, and that broke the camel's back. I felt like people wanted Venera to change, to become nice like the other dicktwitches on this goddamn website. We all have our characters, but why do they want ME to change? They never diss anyone else... Well, maybe FirePyre...

I know I overuse it, but that's because Venera is short-tempered, like I FUCKING INTENDED ZER TO BE. *groan*. I don't even know why I'm still here at this point. I actually was intending on doing something fucking retarded, erasing my message wall, closing my threads, deleting all that Venera was, and just move on somewhere else. Surely, there are wikis for other games, right?

But I knew I was overreacting and deep down I knew that you guys were my friends. I think. I hope. I was just overreacting. But at the time, I felt betrayed. Tears were forming, I felt a sickness in my stomach, and I was just pissed off in general. FIREPYRE LITERALLY BECOMES SATAN AND I'M THE ONE GETTING KICKED HERE.

But whatever. I don't know, right? I'm just a FUCKING RETARDED PIECE OF SHIT THAT DOES NO GOOD IN THIS WORLD WHATSO-FUCKING-EVER.

Sigh. Well, I sincerely apologize. I needed to get that off my chest. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Don't worry, I'm still here to stay.

At least for now. 